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What's the worst joke you've ever heard?

Discussion in 'Joke Forum' started by CuteFunnyMan, Oct 8, 2010.

  1. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    A doctor tells a hooker, "Take these pills, eat a bland diet and in three days I'll have you back in bed."
     
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  2. Pookie

    Pookie Well-Known Member

    I was having a hard time with my diet until I went to see Dr. Kevorkian. He told me if I didn't lose weight he was going to kill me.
     
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  3. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    Euthanasia all look the same to me.
     
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  4. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    Well, all Asia Minors look alike.
     
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  5. Loopy

    Loopy Well-Known Member

    Why was six afraid of seven.............. because seven was a registered six offender.
     
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  6. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    Washington had wooden teeth and didn't need a dentist. He went to see his carpenter twice a year.
     
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  7. Donuts

    Donuts Active Member

    i was told this: why is 6 afraid of 7 because seven, eight, nine!
     
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  8. Simply Knute

    Simply Knute Well-Known Member

    What's easier to pick up the heaver it is? .................. A Woman. :D
     
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  9. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    My wife accused me of being a transvestite, so I packed her things and left.
     
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  10. Simply Knute

    Simply Knute Well-Known Member

    Once upon a time, a man decided to climb a mountain. He took a nasty fall, badly bruising himself, and landed in the woods next to a shaggy-haired dog. Despite his injuries, he limped back to his house, where he left the dog, then to the nearest hospital, where he got some x-rays. When he got home, the dog looked hungry, so he made a steak just for the dog, and turned on the television. He was just about to call the pound when he heard that a wealthy couple, on vacation in the vicinity, had lost a very shaggy dog, and were offering a very large sum for his return. He bought a plane ticket, but fell short on funds. Being a thrifty man, never wanting to live in debt, he sold a chair from his house to pay for the ticket. When he got on the plane, he found that he couldn't take the dog without preparations; the airline, however, was willing to transfer his ticket for a nominal fee. He was forced to pay this fee, and the veterinarian's bills, with a credit card, which irked him even though he knew the reward would offset it. Then he flew to the city in question, but since he was only twenty-four, had to walk ten miles through the woods, going in the general direction of the manor. When he arrived, he found he had missed the front gate entirely. He walked directly up to the door with the dog and rang the bell... when he and the dog were shot dead by a guard. When the wealthy couple were informed of the event they took a look at the dead dog, and said "No, our dog wasn't that shaggy."
     
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  11. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    Well done Knute. Some rather good jokes had accidentally strayed onto this thread but you've got it back on track with a spectacularly bad joke there.
     
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  12. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

     
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  13. Gladman

    Gladman Well-Known Member

    What did the girl melon say to the boy melon when he proposed to her?
    We're too young... we cantaloupe!
     
  14. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?

    A kid won't eat the broccoli!
     
  15. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    A USB is a back up plan for when the USA fails.
     
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  16. Chuckles_Douchet

    Chuckles_Douchet New Member

    How do you catch a squirrel?

    Climb a tree and act like a nut.
     
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  17. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    Calling the ruler of a foreign country "Queenie" especially if you don't know him.
     
  18. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    Cowboys: What can you say about guys who walk around in high heels.
     
  19. Loopy

    Loopy Well-Known Member

    Wishing someone Happy Birthday three months late.......... Bad.
     
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  20. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    The last year Delores and I was married, I was late for her Birthday and the card read, "Sorry I'm late with your gift Honey but your new Mercedes wasn't available until September 8th..."
    She divorced me and the following year and I was on time with her B-Day gift of a hammer and a bag of nails.
    More later...
     

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