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What's the worst joke you've ever heard?

Discussion in 'Joke Forum' started by CuteFunnyMan, Oct 8, 2010.

  1. CuteFunnyMan

    CuteFunnyMan New Member

    A conversation in another thread got me thinking.

    What is the worst joke you ever heard?

    One that was so bad, it still haunts your dreams to this very day?
  2. Scruffy

    Scruffy Boss Clown/Administrator

    nothing repeatable.....
    • Laugh Laugh x 3
  3. Lolly Plop

    Lolly Plop New Member

    What do elephants use for tampons?


    What do elephants use for vibrators?


    How do you make Helen Keller go crazy?

    Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
    • Groan Groan x 5
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
    • Laugh Laugh x 2
  4. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    Scruffy writes "nothing repeatable....."

    Yawn... Well thanks for taking your time and effort to share that Scruffy, most illuminating. Could there not have been the slightest consideration to tell a bad joke that was repeatable? Do you really think you can palm us of with some kind of excuse, or expect us to make the assumption that only jokes of an adult nature are bad and there is no such thing as a bad joke that you can tell children? This is the "Bad Joke" thread, not the "Lame Answer" thread!

    Lolly Pop, do you really think those jokes were bad? Are they truly the worst jokes you ever heard or are they just sick and of a crude, adult nature? I am sure you must know sicker ones. I suspect they were just pitched at a level of depravity that you considered you could just get away with, without a ban, on this forum. But the truth is they are not that bad, just a bit old and hackneyed and of a level that would appeal to a courser class of youth, lacking of the sophistication to appreciate a truly bad joke.

    I love bad jokes, I make a show of them. I challenge people, threaten people, assault people with bad jokes. You bump into me in the street, you will beg me to stop telling bad jokes.... and I will ignore you in a relentless fashion. It's part of my act and a bit of a speciality of mine, telling bad jokes. The trick is to get people to laugh, not at the joke but at the fact that I told the joke. I alluded to this attitude, in the very first post I ever made on this forum.

    Bad jokes are everywhere, it's not difficult to find a joke that people do not laugh at. When was the last time you truly found a "Knock Knock" joke funny? Even as a child, I used to wonder why all the kids told "Knock Knock" jokes and was curious to watch how much my school friends enjoyed them. I always thought I could do much better. Did you ever find the "Why did the chicken cross the road?" joke to be funny? I never.

    I can give you an example of the kind of bad jokes I enjoy telling, to give you a flavour. But I am going to find it difficult to describe how I tell them. Its much more about the dialogue and banter that accompanies and inter spaces these jokes that counts and it is dynamic and improvised and reflects the circumstances and the situation that the jokes are told in.

    What's green and got legs?
    Grass, I'm lying about the legs.

    Two policemen walked into a bar, I can't tell you the punchline to that one because I was franticly trying to climb out of the toilet window.

    What's white and goes up?
    A confused snow flake.

    What's green and you can't see it?
    An invisible cabbage.

    Two elephant fell off a cliff.... bum bum!

    What's the last thing Columbus said to his men before they got on the ship?
    "Men, get on the ship"!

    What's blue and smells like red paint?
    Blue paint.

    Did you hear about the man that drowned in his muesli?
    He was pulled under by a strong current.

    Stupid, lame and old, delivered in a dry, wearisome, deadpan, manner, like I am bored but have to tell them. I might interject a genuine funny one and then act surprised that people laughed. Or chastise them and mock their sense of humour if they laugh at jokes that are not funny. I get a substantial amount of groans with these type of jokes but get a lot of laughs (and pleas) from the in between lines.

    What do you mean that was bad that was one of my best ones.

    Ooops! Did I make you laugh with that one? Sorry.

    It's the union rules, I have to tell you these jokes.

    You can shut me up by placing money in this hat.

    That wasn't funny, it was tragic, why you laughing?

    Never mind trying to escape, I didn't tell you about the frog and the policeman yet.
    • Thanks Thanks x 8
    • Laugh Laugh x 8
  5. Lolly Plop

    Lolly Plop New Member

    • Laugh Laugh x 3
  6. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    To all the people who laughed at my last post, idiots!

    Does no one else have any good bad jokes, surley I'm not the only one who enjoys telling them? If you haven't tried this kind of thing, learn some of these, or find some of your own and then go out and hit people with them. It becomes very funny, one after the other, bang bang bang. Don't stop when they plead and beg you. Hurt them, make their ears bleed and their hair turn white. If they remark that one was particularly bad, assure them you have plenty worse and keep going. I save the one about whats green and got legs? or "Two elephant fell of a cliff", for this circumstance. I normally do about eight in a row. It establishes as fact beyond all doubt you have the worst jokes ever.

    What do you call someone who points out the obvious?
    Someone who points out the obvious.

    What’s the difference between a buffalo and a baisin?
    You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

    What does a pile of manure and a cracked bell have in common?

    What's big, Scottish and depressing? Scotland.

    'Have you heard the joke you're not supposed to tell idiots ............?

    Did you hear about the fat marathon runner?
    He ran in short bursts in burst shorts.

    What do you call a fly with no wings?
    A walk.

    What's got five legs, four tails, two heads and one nose?
    A dog with spare parts.

    What do a cow and a duck have in common?
    They can both swim, except for the cow.

    If I want to hit a person with just one bad joke, out of all these, my current favourites are the one about Columbus or the joke your not supposed to tell idiots. I love the way they set up the victim with the expectation of something funny and then let let them down so badly.
    • Laugh Laugh x 5
    • Thanks Thanks x 4
    • Groan Groan x 1
  7. elliemae

    elliemae New Member

    Did you hear about the actress who got stabbed by a crazed fan? It was Reese.... Reese.... uh...


    No actually it was with her knife!
    • Laugh Laugh x 3
    • Groan Groan x 1
  8. Snoetje

    Snoetje Well-Known Member

    Actually, I don't like all those knock knock jokes. I forgot the worst out of filtering my brain from stupid things, including my own bad jokes. :p

    That one is pretty funny. However, I don't know who she is...
    • Laugh Laugh x 2
  9. Lolly Plop

    Lolly Plop New Member

    That one is pretty funny. However, I don't know who she is...[/QUOTE]

    She was a deaf, dumb, and blind girl who was one of the first to learn to communicate through sign language. She went on to become a well educated woman who was a published writer.
  10. Pinkie Bee

    Pinkie Bee New Member

    barry you are my hero!
    I had so much fun yesturday blasting terrible jokes.
    I want more!!!

    I have a monkey puppet who wont eat banannas
    only wants peanut butter and chocolate
    he's a Reeses monkey

    whats a pirates favorite color
    arrrr orange
    • Laugh Laugh x 3
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  11. Snoetje

    Snoetje Well-Known Member

    She was a deaf, dumb, and blind girl who was one of the first to learn to communicate through sign language. She went on to become a well educated woman who was a published writer.[/QUOTE]

    That makes it indeed a bad joke.
  12. Pinkie Bee

    Pinkie Bee New Member

    why did the frog cross the road?

    cause some mean kid super glued him to a chicken!
    • Laugh Laugh x 2
  13. Pookie

    Pookie Well-Known Member

    Three guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

    By the way, did you hear that "gullible" is being removed from the dictionary?
    • Laugh Laugh x 2
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  14. wallybrad

    wallybrad Active Member

    She was a deaf, dumb, and blind girl who was one of the first to learn to communicate through sign language. She went on to become a well educated woman who was a published writer.[/QUOTE]

    Helen Keller
  15. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    The two elephants fell off the cliff,,,bum,bum. NOW THAT WAS FUNNY,,not a bad joke.
  16. JOZO

    JOZO New Member

    my bad joke is all of these im just to lazy to write them all
    • Groan Groan x 1
  17. Zeeppo

    Zeeppo New Member

    It changes every time I visit this site
    • Laugh Laugh x 2
  18. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    Oh, I get it,,,,,good one Zeeppo. (now, what would Red Skelton say here,,,,,)?

    Sorry, I'm all out of bad jokes,,,,,I'll tell you a good one soon.
  19. JOZO

    JOZO New Member

    how do you make lady gaga cry?

    poker her face.
    • Laugh Laugh x 1
  20. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    Raspberries,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,just for you, JOZO.

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