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More Political Humor From Capital Hill

Discussion in 'Political Jokes' started by Pookie, Jan 6, 2011.

  1. Pookie

    Pookie Well-Known Member

    Just got done reading several news stories about Former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D - CA) stating that by repealing President Obama's Health Insurance Reforms, and thus the federal government spending less of our and my money, will cause an increase in government spending and thereby raise the national deficit and the national debt.

    Can anyone here help me to think of a routine or magic trick where I go out and spend no money and and then end up with less money than I started with?
     
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  2. Pookie

    Pookie Well-Known Member

    Y'know what makes this joke even funnier...

    It was this same kind of math that got Enron and Barry Madoff in so much trouble.

    ROFLMAOA!!!
     
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  3. Humblestone

    Humblestone New Member

    Yes, Pookie, if things really worked as simply as you seem to think, any clown could grow up to be president.

    The gi-normous, wealthy insurance companies and the health care industry that have been bleeding us all dry forever must really have our best interests at heart. We should believe everything they say about the evils of our government--a government that we have freely elected.

    I don't think there's really a joke here at all.
     
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  4. tim

    tim Have red nose, will travel

    Yes, but it involves bringing your wife with.
     
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  5. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    How about a trick where you have a pile of coins and no matter how many more coins you add to the pile, the quantity of the coins, never gets any larger?

    There is a coin trick called “Understanding the Bermuda Triangle”, that would work perfectly in this scenario. It is a lovely piece of business, based on a very simple but unsuspected, ancient principle. What happens is you show a group of coins which are counted openly and clearly, you ask the spectator to add a coin and then cleanly, without any obvious trickery, the coins are recounted to show the figure remains the same. Coins may be added repeatedly but much to the spectators confusion (and consternation), the number of coins when counted, always remains the original amount.

    The trick is so simple and will be learned in the two minutes it takes to read the instructions. It starts clean, ends clean and there is nothing dirty in the middle. There is no slight of hand or special moves to be learned, nor is there any requirement for gimmicks, gaffs or anything other than what is presented. The only things required are a handful of coins, a flat surface and a spectator. The way it is presented, the cunning and sneaky piece of devious deception is never suspected.

    I developed my own patter for this particular trick and perform it as a flimflam hustling racket on the streets to take money off the unsuspecting and gullible (and I literally do, do it on my hands and knees on the streets). It is so simple but plays really big. It draws crowds from every direction, is full of audience paticipation, as they help count the coins and creates much bafflement and laughter. The way I do it, I take six or seven quid in the space of five-ten minutes. But it does not have to be a hustle, it can be presented as magic, an illustrated story, a puzzle or a bar betchya. Nor does it require coins, it can be done with anything, matchsticks, torn pieces of paper, candies etc. You will create your own version and find your own patter to compliment your performance style. I particularly like the way, when I perform this for children as a counting mystery, I am at eye level to them, rather than forcing them to have to look up to me.

    I have ranted a number of times of late on this forum, frustrated about how little amount of effort, many people are prepared to expend, in order to pass themselves off as clowns. So it is to me, slightly ironic, that I should be recommending “Understanding the Bermuda Triangle” as it is so very good and yet requires absolutely no effort or skill to learn. One Christmas a girlfriend was in New Zealand and I was in London and I wanted to do something special and magical down the phone to her, I went to the my local magic shop and asked for advice, I was recommended the book “Impuzzibilities" by Jim Stienmeyer. It contains a dozen impromptu magic tricks that require nothing but knowledge. It cost me ten quid and earned me hundreds. I am now recommending it to you.
     
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  6. Pookie

    Pookie Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much, Mr. B. Daft!!
     
  7. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    A magic trick, that disappears objects in front of your eyes. That requires no gimmicks or props, no special moves or slight of hand, no practice or skill of any kind, can be learned in a few minutes and can entertain children or con passers by in the street. Sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? Well it just gets better because I have found that as this is a very old trick with countless differing versions you do not even have to buy Jim Steinmeyer's excelant book to learn the secret. All say, “Thank you very much, Mr. B. Daft”.

    The Secret to "Understanding the Bermuda Triangle".

    Take 27 coins and arrange them in a triangle, as show in Fig 1. Put groups of four coins in each corner and two groups, one of two coins and one of three coins, along the three sides of the triangle. As I do this, I will introduce the Bermuda Triangle to my audience, talking about its strange and mysterious powers that vanish entire ships and aeroplanes with out trace. I explain I can make a mini version of the Bermuda Triangle and demonstrate its mysterious powers for all to see. I count the coins slowly and deliberately, one side of the triangle at a time. I make sure the audience is with me and agrees there are 13 coins to each side.


    .......Fig 1.......................................................[​IMG][​IMG]
    ......................................................................[​IMG][​IMG]
    .
    ......................................................[​IMG][​IMG]......................[​IMG][​IMG]
    .....................................................[​IMG]
    .
    ...................................A.......[​IMG].. [​IMG].......................................[​IMG] [​IMG]............B
    ..................................................................................................[​IMG]
    .
    ..................................[​IMG].[​IMG]...................[​IMG][​IMG]...................[​IMG].................[​IMG][​IMG]
    ..........................[​IMG][​IMG].............................[​IMG].....................,[​IMG]....................[​IMG][​IMG]

    .........................................................................C

    I then ask for a member of the audience to "Sail" a ship into the Bermuda Triangle and place it on any pile they choose. In Fig 2, a coin has been added to side A. I will then repeat my counts, demonstrating that sides B and C, still have 13 coins but side A, now has 14 coins. The counting part of this trick can seem laborious at first for some of the spectators, it is important to carry them along. They become much keener and far more scrupulous in counting the coins, once they understand the coins are disappearing and the mystery grows.
    .
    .
    .....Fig 2.........................................................[​IMG][​IMG]
    ......................................................................[​IMG][​IMG]
    .
    ......................................................[​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]......................[​IMG][​IMG]
    .....................................................[​IMG]
    .
    ...................................A.......[​IMG].. [​IMG].......................................[​IMG] [​IMG]............B
    ..................................................................................................[​IMG]
    .
    ..................................[​IMG].[​IMG]...................[​IMG][​IMG]...................[​IMG].................[​IMG][​IMG]
    ..........................[​IMG][​IMG].............................[​IMG].....................,[​IMG]....................[​IMG][​IMG]

    .........................................................................C.
    .

    In Fig 3, a coin has been taken from the corner AB and placed in a pile along side B. If the sides of the triangle are again counted you will see there remains only 13 coins on each side.

    .....
    Fig 3
    .........................................................[​IMG][​IMG]

    ......................................................................[​IMG]
    .
    ......................................................[​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]......................[​IMG][​IMG]
    .....................................................[​IMG]..................................[​IMG]
    .
    ...................................A.......[​IMG].. [​IMG].......................................[​IMG] [​IMG]............B
    ..................................................................................................[​IMG]
    .
    ..................................[​IMG].[​IMG]...................[​IMG][​IMG]...................[​IMG].................[​IMG][​IMG]
    ..........................[​IMG][​IMG].............................[​IMG].....................,[​IMG]....................[​IMG][​IMG]

    .........................................................................C.
    .
    It is slightly more complicated when a coin is added to a corner. In Fig 4, I have added a coin to corner AB, if you now count the coins you will see sides A and B, both now have 14 coins but side C, still remains with 13.



    .....Fig 4.........................................................[​IMG][​IMG]
    ......................................................................[​IMG][​IMG]
    .
    ......................................................[​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]......................[​IMG][​IMG]
    .....................................................[​IMG]..................................[​IMG]
    .
    ...................................A.......[​IMG].. [​IMG].......................................[​IMG] [​IMG]............B
    ..................................................................................................[​IMG]
    .
    ...............................[​IMG].[​IMG]...................[​IMG][​IMG]...................[​IMG].................[​IMG][​IMG]
    ..........................[​IMG][​IMG].............................[​IMG].....................,[​IMG]....................[​IMG][​IMG]

    .........................................................................C.
    .
    In Fig 5, to deal with the coin placed at corner AB, coins from the corners, AC and BC, have been moved onto side C. When the sides of the triangle are recounted, there remains only 13 coins on each side.



    .....Fig 5.........................................................[​IMG][​IMG]
    ......................................................................[​IMG][​IMG]
    .
    ......................................................[​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]......................[​IMG][​IMG]
    .....................................................[​IMG]..................................[​IMG]
    .
    ...................................A.......[​IMG].. [​IMG].......................................[​IMG] [​IMG]............B
    ..................................................................................................[​IMG]
    .
    ...............................[​IMG].[​IMG]...................[​IMG][​IMG]...................[​IMG][​IMG].................[​IMG]
    ..........................[​IMG].............................[​IMG][​IMG].....................,[​IMG]....................[​IMG][​IMG]

    .........................................................................C.


    Further thoughts on performing "Understanding the Bermuda Triangle"
    .
    It should now be very clear that this is really just a simple miss-counting trick, where the corners are always counted twice. I make a big show of their being no trickery on my part. My sleaves are rolled up and hands shown to be empty. I make all the moves slowly and deliberately, as cleanly as possible. I allow the spectators absolutely no chance of suspecting trickery or slight of hand manipulations. I place a single finger on one coin at a time and slide them around the triangle. Because the secret to the trick is so simple, I disguise and camoflage the "real" move amongst three or four other meaningless dummy moves. I slide coins around from pile to pile and from side to side, but I am always careful not to upset the mathamatical balance of the setup. You can get five or six coins into the triangle before the shape starts to disintegrate, the third and fourth coins are the ones that really spin the audience out.

    Because the workings of the trick are so simple, it really allows you to concentrate on the performance element. You can have alot of fun playing with people. If you want to do this trick, put a little thought and effort into it. Here is a lovely little thing that I do, that adds a richness and provides foils for loads of jokes. It provides you with much more to talk about and people really enjoy it. When performing the trick at parties and for children, I always use a special bunch of coins, purchased just for the job. I have a leather money bag filled with a big handful, a hundred plus old coins. I will dump the coins in a pile (the noise alone draws people in) and as I set up the trick, I talk about the coins, show the coins, let people handle the coins.

    Coins are very fascinating and interesting things, they are not only an economic currency. They also project, reflect, and celebrate the tradition, history and culture of the nations that issues them. Many nations of the world, have ships on their coins. These might reflect their trading practices, record voyages of exploration and discovery or reflect other aspects of their culture. Scandinavian coins have Viking long boats on them. Canadian coins have kayaks. Australian coins celebrate their discovery with pictures of Captain Cooks ship Endeavour. American coins celebrate the Pilgrim Fathers landing and even more interesting things like the Write Brothers first flight, space ships and the moon landing. Britain, being a island has a very rich maritime tradition. Our currency has depicted ships and sea gods, continually from the pre Roman, Celtic era, right through to the present day.

    Old coins are abundant, easily available and cheap. Coin dealers everywhere, have huge buckets of the things, that they sell at little more than the scrap metal value. It is a very easy thing to go and buy, as many interesting coins as you want. Children are absolutely fascinated by them, they get to see and learn about new things and handle unfamiliar objects. Then they get to sail or fly the ships, boats, balloons (France), kites (Korea), fish (Icedland) canoes, planes, even the odd bicycle into the Bermuda Triangle where they mysteriously disappear without trace beneath the waves.

    If you want to do this trick, make an effort to make it special. Don’t use matchsticks or bits of torn paper, start with something that looks a little like this.

    [​IMG]

    This is a really fun trick to do. Not only is there a magical mystery and the perplexing situation of dissapearing coins, there are also so many jokes and silly liners that can be deployed when performing it. Here are a few of my favourites for the Bermuda Triangle. I had never thought of doing this trick with a patter line about our ecconomic crisis, but actually I think it is perfect and there are an abundance of very funny "Banker" jokes to go out and learn. Also never considered by me is using this trick as part of a pirate act, again it would very readily, lend itself to that kind of scenario.

    At the bottom of the Bermuda Triangle is a... wreck tangle.

    Lady Gaga, James Blunt and Britney Spears are on a ship sinking in the bermuda triangle. Who gets saved? The world of music.

    I got arrested for indecent exposure, but it wasn’t my fault, I was wearing Bermuda shorts and they just disappeared.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2011
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  8. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    I'm a liberal and you confused me with the use of facts and logic.
     
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  9. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    The blonde woman running for office of the mayor called 911 to report a fire in the building,
    the dispatcher took the information and asked,,,"how will we get there"? The woman said,
    "da big red truck"!
     
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  10. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    If I run for mayor, I will promise you nothing, and if I am elected,,,nothing is exactly what you will get.
     
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  11. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    I got lonely on this thread,,,,whats the matter? I thought I was the chicken.

    I don't even like political jokes,,,,,,,,,well, a little bit!
     
  12. Happy Chappy & Daisy

    Happy Chappy & Daisy Well-Known Member

    Barry,
    I haven't put the time in yet to understand your trick, but I wanted you to know that I really appreciated the effort to put it here. I know you like playing Devil's Advocate sometimes (and that's not a bad thing), but it means you get a lot more complaints than compliments. Just trying to keep things "fair and balanced" (and let's see if that opens up a whole new can of worms!).
     
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