1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

just don't know

Discussion in 'Joke Forum' started by Gladman, Feb 27, 2011.

  1. Gladman

    Gladman Well-Known Member

    I've learned the hard way never to say anything to a woman that remotely suggests that I think she is pregnant.:cry:
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
  2. too much intelligent jokes these are that can not be understood without putting some mind in .. the time is consumed a bit and it spoils the joy
     
  3. Gladman

    Gladman Well-Known Member

    Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
  4. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    "It's hard to describe today's music. I was at a restaurant and a waiter dropped a tray of dishes and six people got up to dance."
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
  5. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    An Indian had a nightmare. He dreamed we gave him back the country.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  6. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    I've decided to stop voting. I think it will be nice knowing that I'm not responsible for what happens in Washington.
     
  7. Gladman

    Gladman Well-Known Member

    'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
  8. Gladman

    Gladman Well-Known Member

    One evening the cow said to the calf: "It is pasture bedtime!"
    (hold the pies please)
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
  9. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    A lady opened her refrigerator only to see a rabbit inside.
    "What are you doing in there?" She asked.
    "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it? Well, I'm westing!"

    See what you've started Gladman!

    (Hope this is a no pie zone!)
     
  10. Gladman

    Gladman Well-Known Member

    :pie::pie::pie::splatter:
     
  11. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    What!!!? No coffee?

    Reminds me of home. My wifes idea of a hot meal is when the house burned down.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  12. The Princess of Bozonia

    The Princess of Bozonia Administrator Staff Member

    What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
     
  13. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    The Obama Administration.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  14. Gladman

    Gladman Well-Known Member

    Woman: Do you drink beer?
    Man: Yes
    Woman: How many beers a day?
    Man: Usually about 3
    Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
    Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
    (This is where it gets scary !)
    Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
    Man: About 20 years, I suppose
    Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
    Man: Correct
    Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
    20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
    Man: Correct
    Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

    Man: Do you drink beer?
    Woman: No
    Man: Where's your Ferrari?
     
    • Groan Groan x 1
  15. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    Woman Judge: Order! Order in the Court!!!

    Male Defendant: I'll have a ham sandwich!
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  16. Gladman

    Gladman Well-Known Member

    "I'm a geni! I can do anything."
    "Okay, make me a malted."
    "Poof, you're a malted."

    (Taken from a Lenny Bruce routine)
     
  17. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    A man rubbed a bottle and "poof" out popped a genie. "O.K. says the genie, what's your wish?"
    The man said, "I want all women to love me!"
    Poof, he turned in to a chocolate bar.

    "Just don't know!"
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  18. Gladman

    Gladman Well-Known Member

    My neighbor's store was robbed yesterday. They cleaned him out almost everything, but they didn't take any of the work boots.......:???:
     
  19. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    I drink so much coffee I toss and turn at my desk all day.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  20. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    That same guy is wanted in Chicago because he's a crook. Why do they need more crooks in Chicago?
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1

Share This Page