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Ideas for New Scallop Puppet

Discussion in 'Props and Gags' started by Pickles, Jul 13, 2010.

  1. Scruffy

    Scruffy Boss Clown/Administrator

    Should I lock the thread before he comes back just for the Halibut?
     
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  2. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    If scallops have a religion, do you think when they die they believe, the bad ones become ashtrays and the good ones become mermaids bras?
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2010
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  3. Waldo

    Waldo New Member

    Pickles if you are looking to combine the puppet and the clown you have to decide which one is the straightman up front and who gets the funny lines. Part of this will depend on your clown character that you have developed up to this point. Also if you are going to do ventriloquism, then don't pick names that start with B, M, P or W, it is too hard to do the letters. The nice thing about puppets are you can do them with or without clowns and still keep the puppet character.
     
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  4. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    A True Story (Maybe)

    A scallop from Europe, got a wallop,
    from the brainless, boisterous oysters, in the church cloisters
    and a mussel from Brussels, chuckles.
    “Hehehe, well that will teach him for going to church”!

    And that caused impotent enmity, from Penelope,
    the anomalous, anonymous, anemone.
    The faithful sentinel with ten dozen tentacle
    and she never pulled a mussel again.

    Well the scallop that got walloped, hiccuped and swallowed
    and went for a walk in t' rain.
    Which when you consider the nature of a scallops anatomy,
    is quite a difficult skill to attain.

    Coz he aint got no legs to talk of, nor no hips, knees, feet or toes.
    So how he pulled off that particular stunt, nobody actually knows.
    And the mussel from Brussels, saw the scallop
    out having a gallop and then had further chuckles.

    He sez, "Hey, you might be faceless, headless, legless and boneless
    but with skills like that, you could probably join the circus.
    Become a comedic entertainer, a clowning sensation”,
    gushed the mussel with obvious and unabashed awe and adoration.

    Well t' scallop looked bemused and confused slightly vexed and totally perplexed. He sez,
    “This mussel needs a muzzle this mussel, his ideas are completely absurd.
    For a scallop to become a clown? It’s just too peculiar for words"!
    "Can't you see, I’m a marine bivalve, filter feeding, plankton eating, mollusc, that lives inside a calcified shell”.
    "Aye, But if you put a wig and red nose on”, replied the mussel, “no one could possibly tell”.

    Well the scallop stroked his chin and scratched he head,
    pondered a little …… and then he said.
    “You Know, maybe this idea is not so loco, I could become a clowny hobo.
    WHOOPEE YIPEE, FROM NOW ON ITS BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR ME!!!"


     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2016
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  5. saphireSue

    saphireSue True Blue

    Barry your gift with words is awesome.
     
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  6. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    The scallop hobo clown lived on squid row. Do hobo clowns get knock knock jokes?

    What goes knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock? An octopus at the door.

    Did you hear about the Cod Father who was convicted for loan sharking? His victim whaled, “I don’t have anemone”. He said, “OK then here’s sick squid”. The scallop detective on the Serious Crime Squid said he had an open and shut case.

    Did you hear about the scallop who went coral singing? He sang “Shark the Herring Angelfish Sing”.

    Do you know if you stand real close to the sea, it sounds just like a shell?

    Did you hear about the scallop who was playing "Tide and Seek"? He hid in some sea weed and said “With fronds like these, who needs anemones”.

    Scallops also play “Rock Pool and Scissors”.
     
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  7. tim

    tim Have red nose, will travel

    Alright, Barry, I have to admit you finally got an actually chuckle out of me with that octopus joke. Octopus are, of course, naturally funny!
     
  8. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    Yes I agree Tim, octopi are intrinsically funny but funnier still, is knowing that many Germans actually believe an octopus can predict future football results! And the proof that those funny Germans really do have a sense of humour; they called their amazing, clairvoyant octopus “PAUL”!

    Story telling is the skill that I have worked hardest to achieve, as a clown and is easily the skill I find most enjoyable and satisfying to perform. I have a few suitcases filled with a motley collection of puppets, toys and other props which I use to illustrate the motley collection of nonsense stories, jokes, poems and ditties that fill my head. I have worked very hard on this thread. On every single post here, I have woven in new, unique and totally original material, to that which can be found with a simple google search.

    My interest in this thread is actually more shellfish than you might have suspected. I have seen the same scallop puppet that Pickles has, in a shop and had wondered what to do with it and whether I could use it. I got into octopus’s last year in a big way and already have a number of octopi and other fishy toys and stories. I expect I will now buy myself a scallop and depending on how I feel, rig him/her (how do you sex these things?) up with either a squeaker or a squirtter. I think I can get some good mileage out of one of these puppets. I will rework what you see here, making it a bit less "Clown Forum" and a little more "Barry Daft" and combine it with what I already have.

    Of course no thread on puppets on this board would be complete without an appearance of the Muppets.
    YouTube - ‪Muppet Show. Kermit and Robin - Octopus' Garden (s3e12)‬‎

    By the way, did you hear about the scallop who threw a sea urchin at a dart board and scored 3480?

    Did you hear about the sexy octopus strapless bar? Its made from suction cups.
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2010
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  9. Merry-Andrew

    Merry-Andrew Banned

    I've been porpoisely hooked into dredging the sea-bottom of this thread by Mr. Drift himshellf. Wonderful thing, the 'net.

    The rangers saw no danger
    when Pickles bought her toy.
    She chose a scallop puppet
    to bring herself some joy.
    Her children rolled their eyes and moaned,
    "Our mother is SO weird!"
    She got no mileage out of them
    so she brought the darned thing HERE!

    Pearl was thirsty. She wanted some water with lemon butter tap was dry. Her large-mouth began to feel like an ashray. She called her friend Charon and said "skate on over here so we can get Kraken on some drinking before we hear the Sirens." Charon said, "Noah wave. I'm not taking that bait. I ab-a-lone sand dollar to my name."

    A constipated scallop is a frightful, awful gent;
    all that birthday-pastry spackle down there clogging up the vent!
    The final blast of cakey-plug will make the worldwide news
    and surpass both Elvis and George II for history-making poos!

    The morey you lust for birthday cake, the lower you will dive
    So low, not even snailfish will come out again alive.
    Next time you shovel frosting in, be sure to savor it
    For one day, you'll find us here rhyming tales about your
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2011
  10. Pinkie Bee

    Pinkie Bee New Member

    love it love it!!! heres a song that might work for you

    I don’t like clams
    It’s just the way I am
    I think they stink
    When you put ‘em in the sink
    And if you think
    You can make me eat ‘em now
    Well, you’re wrong; I’ll put ‘em in my pocket
    And I’ll feed ‘em to a cow
    I don’t like peas
    ‘Cause they make me sneeze
    I’ll spit them out
    If you put ‘em in my mouth
    What I like to do
    With my peas instead
    I like to load ‘em in my straw and shoot ‘em out
    And try to hit you in the head
    But I like spaghetti
    It doesn’t make me sick
    I like spaghetti
    ‘Cause when I throw it it’ll stick
    I like spaghetti
    All mixed into a glop
    I like spaghetti with catsup and mustard
    And a cherry on the top
    I don’t like fish
    When they leave the eyeballs in the dish
    I look and see
    My dinner looking back at me
    And if I try
    To stab it with my fork
    I’m afraid it might flip around and flop around
    And land on the floor
    Chorus
     
  11. tim

    tim Have red nose, will travel

    What did Merry Andrew get banned for - bad plumbing?

    (I liked his posts.)
     
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  12. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    I've continually revisited this poem over the years, adjusting the language to more accurately reflect my own Yorkshire dialect. I was never particularly happy with how the original poem ended, so have added a few more stanzas, which brings it closer in attitude to how I might perform it. It may not be to all your cup of tea but it's humour and nonsense, work for me. I still don't consider it finished yet. I have further plans to develop the constipation thread into how the first pearl was made. Also Penelope, the anomalous anonymous anemone will be the first Rock Pool Gospel Heretic and I want some Leviticus in there for good measure too. But I thought I would post this up as it is for now to let you see how it's progressed.

    A Story From The Rock Pool Gospel

    A scallop from Europe, got a wallop,
    from the brainless, boisterous oysters, in the cloisters
    and a mussel from Brussels, chuckles. Hehehehe!

    “Well that will teach him for going to church”.

    And that caused the impotent enmity,
    from Penelope, the anomalous, anonymous, anemone.
    The faithful sentinel with ten dozen tentacle
    and she never pulled a mussel again.


    Now the scallop that got walloped, hiccupped and swallowed
    and went for a walk in t’rain.
    Which when you consider the nature of a scallops anatomy,
    is quite a difficult skill to attain.


    Coz he aint got no legs to talk of, nor no hips, knees, feet or toes.
    So how he pulled off that particular stunt, nobody actually knows.
    And the mussel from Brussels, saw the scallop
    out having a gallop and then had further chuckles.


    He sez, "Hey, you might be headless, legless, faceless and boneless
    but with skills like that, you could probably join the circus.
    Become a comedic entertainer, a clowning sensation”.
    Gushed the mussel with obvious and unabashed awe and adoration.


    Well t'scallop looked bemused and confused.
    Slightly vexed and totally perplexed.
    He sez, “This mussel needs a muzzle. His ideas are completely absurd.
    For a scallop to become a clown? It’s just too peculiar for words!


    Can't you see, I’m a marine bivalve, filter feeding, plankton eating, mollusc,
    that lives inside a calcified shell”.
    "Aye, But if you put a wig and red nose on”, replied the mussel,

    “No one could possibly tell”.

    Well the scallop stroked his chin and scratched he head,
    pondered a little …… and then he said,
    “You Know, maybe this idea might not be so loco,

    I could become a clowny hobo.

    WHOOPEE YIPEE, FROM NOW ON ITS BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR ME!"

    But, when you're a filter feeding, plankton eating mollusc,
    shovelling down birthday cake all day long, is not a right clever thing to do.
    It caused absolute havoc with his indigestion
    and a peculiar problem with his poo. POOOOOO!

    You see all that celebration,
    caused a certain complication.
    And to his considerable consternation,
    he ended up with a bad case of constipation.


    Now the boisterous oysters from the church cloisters
    also saw the scallop out having a gallop
    And this miraculous bipedal locomotion
    caused a calamitous commotion in the ocean.


    Suddenly they became very cynical
    about that oft told biblical miracle.
    By eck! We thought Jesus walking on t’water was pretty neat.
    But this scallop can walk, without the need for legs, hips or feet!


    This is a real crisis, our faith is beginning to waver.
    Could this constipated, clowny, scallop be the true Lord and Saviour?

    Forget being Christian, Baptist, Protestant, Methodists
    There is only one true religion, the Bivalvist Evangelists!


    Conformity of thought is our mission.
    We will limit progress with Bronze Age superstition.
    Cynically employ clowns to help with the subjugation.
    The last thing we want, is children with imagination

    We turn the other cheek and persecute idolaters.
    Pretend we are meek and prosecute adulterers.
    Protect the weak, unless they are fornicators
    Because we hate, berate and annihilate those that dare to fornicate.

    We believe that at the end of our days,
    Those that lead sinful lives become ashtrays.
    But if we are good, eternity in paradise shall be ours.
    For we will live forever, as mermaid’s bras.



     
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  13. Pickles

    Pickles Czarina / Administrator

    Daft, you have achieved scallop-puppet-poem perfection. Nice work.
     
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  14. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    Not yet Pickles. I still have a way to go on this one. I've been working all week, without success on the constipation equation. I've been hoping to create out of it a second miracle to rival that of Mary's virgin birth. I'm working with Marine-verge-surf but haven't found it yet.

    I did however produce a few other stanzas to be slotted in at some point.

    He pushed, he heaved, he shoved, he squeezed.
    he panted and groaned, he pleaded and moaned
    His groans could be heard all round the reef.
    “Good grief”, he gasped through gritted teeth.

    Our religion is all peace, love and virtue.
    But if we can't convert you, we're gonna hurt you.

    God loves shrimps and scallops, He tells so in Leviticus.
    He says damnation to the abominations that ignore His word and eat us.

    The privacy of your bedroom habits and sexual predilections,
    is our interest, our business and within our jurisdiction.


    We hate heterosexuals and those that wish to be monogamous.
    So woe betide, if you miss the low tide

    and don’t spawn in the moonlight with the rest of us.


     
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