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Ideas for New Scallop Puppet

Discussion in 'Props and Gags' started by Pickles, Jul 13, 2010.

  1. Pickles

    Pickles Czarina / Administrator

    [​IMG]Introducing: My new bi-valve mollusk puppet! Yes, indeed, I am the proud owner of a scallop puppet!!!! I walked past it in the gift shop at an Alaskan ranger station, and I decided that it was one of those things that I simply could not live without. Now that I am home, I'm wondering what I am gonna do with this thing.

    I'm thinking about naming her "Shelly." She is small enough to fit in my pocket, and I would like to come up with some silly walk-around gags for her. I could limp around and whine about how I pulled a muscle and then whip her out. That's about the best idea I have so far, and, admittedly, it's pretty bad.

    Ideas anyone?

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  2. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    Don't get stage fright or you'll clam up.
     
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  3. Pickles

    Pickles Czarina / Administrator

    Oooooo, YES!!!

    Approach somebody eating chocolate or pickles and tell them not to be shellfish and share!
     
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  4. Willy Nilly

    Willy Nilly New Member

    I used to be really fat. Now i am a shell of my former self.
    Please talk! don't clam up on me now.
    She has a daughter named Pearl.
    I dated an octopus, but he wouldn't keep his hands off of me.
    I used to have a friend named Coral, but she only wanted to lay around at the beach.
    My next door neighbor is a real crab.
    You would be a real friend if you would scratch my back. I can't reach this one spot.
    Look mom, no hands.
    Cats have hair balls, i cough up seaweed.
    Keep an eye out for Long John Silver. He kidnapped my brother.
    I have a cousin who is a castanet.
    My uncle is in jail for attacking Jimmy Buffets flip flop.
    I brush regularly. See how pearly my tooth is?
     
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  5. saphireSue

    saphireSue True Blue

    sea shell, sea shell by the sea shore
     
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  6. Pickles

    Pickles Czarina / Administrator

    Y'know, my husband and children rolled their eyes when I purchased the scallop puppet. And I think I embarrassed them a little when the scallop very enthusiastically bade farewell to the park rangers. But I am excited about this little mollusk and am looking forward to his debut. And, frankly, scallop, I don't give a clam what my family thinks.
     
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  7. tim

    tim Have red nose, will travel

    How many of these things do they actually sell to people who are NOT clowns to make it worth manufacturing them? Or is yours truly "one of a kind?"
     
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  8. tim

    tim Have red nose, will travel

    Any of these one liners alone is a certain groaner. But taken together is such quick succession, it's fairly funny - in a vaudevillian sort of way.
     
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  9. Willy Nilly

    Willy Nilly New Member

    Well,Fiddledy dee.
     
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  10. Touche'

    Touche' New Member

    Lots of "Pearls of Wisdom" here!
     
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  11. Pickles

    Pickles Czarina / Administrator

    You have way cooler stuff in your memory dustbin than I have in mine.
     
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  12. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    A lonely scallop called Pearl, went to a craberet called “The Marlin Rouge”, with the porpoise of meeting the buoy of her dreams. She haddock whale of a time. First she met an octopus called Billy the squid. They danced to “Mackerel the knife”, it felt like a moray but he was all hands and started to mollusc her. She said “Have you got no corals?“ while thinking, fins can only get batter. He clammed up, so she blowfished him out and hooked up with a Scotsman called Prawn Conway, who really took the bait. He was into films and asked her would she like to sea Jurassic Carp, The Blair Fish Project or Pulp Fishing? She replied “I don’t give a clam, your shrimply the bass”. He replied, "Are you fishing for condiments? She said "No spray", then she slipped off her perch and pulled a muscle.
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2016
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  13. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    The muscle was called Ray but preferred to be called Molly. He was a bivalvual cross dresser who wore fishnets, eels and green lipstick. Molly and Pearl had a halibut time and danced all night to Kylie Minnow and Bob Marlin and the Whalers. Unfortunately, there was an evil clownfish called Jack the Kipper who slipped Pearl a Mickey Finn. Suddenly Peal started to feel unwell and went a little green around the gills. Molly called out for kelp. Up jumped a man and said I am a sturgeon, lets give her anemone. She recovered and was so thankful she turned to Cod and became a prawn again crustacean.
     
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  14. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    Oh I’m sorry, did you think my last post smelt like sardines in a tim, Tim? Next, you shell be accusing me of flogging a dead seahorse. I cod go on forever, with this one. I hope your getting some of this Pike-les.

    Molly the Muscle left the Marlin Rouge with the sole porpoise of finding Jack the Kipper who was hanging out in an old smoker. He was listening to Tom Skates playing Swordfish Trombone out of tuna, on the raydio. “You slipped poisson into my Pearl, I orca batter you“, whaled Molly. Jack replied, “Stop carping on, or I shall have to krill you”. This little sprat cod of turned ugly haddock not been for the sight of a coi Skate Moss on the catfish walk. She haddock cute wrasse and a lovely pair of scales. Molly forgot all about Jack because he wanted to crab and grouper. He said "Lets go back to my plaice". Skate replied, "I dunno, I'll have to flipper coin. The coin landed fishtails side up.

    Sorry folks, at this point, the tide went out.
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2016
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  15. Scruffy

    Scruffy Boss Clown/Administrator

    Cod, that was awful.
     
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  16. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    Hey Scruffy, no need to get crabby I’m not interested in your Sargassom. You might think I am plumbing the depths but I’m no where near dredging the bottom yet. When you sea another of my posts do you get waves of despair and a sinking feeling? I can’t stop kraken jokes. It’s going to coast you ten squid (or twenty clams in your money) to shut me up and I’m not bluefin.

    Skate Moss looked down at the fishy tail coin and replied, “Sorry Miss Molly, maybe next tide”. “Well would you like to do the conger with me then, its lobsta fun”? ventured Molly. “I hake the conger and only flounder on the dance floor, maybe I should go home and watch some telly fishion. It’s “Whale of Fortune” tonight or perhaps I will read my new book, “Titanic Verses” by Salmon Rushdi”, replied Skate.

    Just then an antipodean crab like creature with a large forehead and mullet, walked in. “Good reef!” exclaimed Skate, “Who’s that Barbel doll”? “Oh that’s Nicole Squidman, she just had to prawn all her clothes to a loan shark. She’s a fantastic dancer who loves to go squid jigging and drinks like a fish”. Molly swam over. “Good evening Nicole, can I offer you a refill?
    “YOU’LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, MY HERRING AID IS ON THE BLINK”, shouted Nicole.
    “CAN I REFILL YOUR GLASS NICOLE”? shouted back Molly.
    “OOH YES PLEASE", boomed back Nicole, "FILLET”.
     
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  17. Pickles

    Pickles Czarina / Administrator

    Quick! Somebody hit him on his noggin with a hammerhead!
     
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  18. Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)

    Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft) Old Bucket Spitter

    I'm not scared of you Pike-les. Your shark is worse than your pike.
     
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  19. Jodie

    Jodie New Member

    Pickles what a great post. This could go on forever with Barry out in the sea.
     
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  20. Pickles

    Pickles Czarina / Administrator

    There once was a jester named Barry,
    Some clowns thought he was scary.
    But words from his mouth did gallop,
    When he gushed about my scallop.
    Thus, to him I shall toast my sherry.


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    I hereby award Mr. Barry Daft the "Golden Scallop Award" for going above and beyond Clown Forum duty in his poetic contributions to my "Ideas for New Scallop Puppet" thread. A heartfelt "thank you" to my friend Mr. Daft.
     
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