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Blonde Joke

Discussion in 'Joke Forum' started by Love, Mar 23, 2011.

  1. Love

    Love New Member



    The Grandmother of all Blonde Jokes

    This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
    blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she
    decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

    While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
    paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her
    husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

    Her husband arrives home at5:30and smells the distinctive smell of
    paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
    floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy
    parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks
    her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she
    replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are
    dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

    He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She
    replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it
    Said...

    You'll love this...

    I know you will...
    .
    .
    .
    .
    "FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."








     
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  2. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    Another Blonde Joke

    DISNEYLAND

    Two blondes were going to Disneyland, while driving on the Interstate they saw a sign
    that said, DISNEYLAND LEFT. So they turned around and went home.:pie:
     
    • Laugh Laugh x 2
  3. miss-daisy

    miss-daisy New Member

    You can never have too many blonde jokes

    An old rich miser needed to get his front porch re-painted, but he did not want to have to pay a lot to have it profesionally done. So instead, he called his dumb blonde niece because he knew he could talk her into doing the job in exchange for a few dollars and a trip to the mall.

    So she comes over and he hands her the bucket of paint and a brush, and says " I will be in the house watching football. Just come and let me know when you have the porch all painted and then we can go to the mall." She excitedly took the bucket and brush and skipped out the door, ready to get to work.

    Thinking he had a few hours to enjoy the game, he was surprised when she returned less than an hour later.

    "Can we go to the mall now?! I saw these really cute shoes I wanted to get!"

    Stunned, he replied "Well, let's go see how good you did first."

    As they stepped out on to the porch, he was completely dumbfounded. " You didn't even paint the porch at all!"

    "Oh I did I did! Except, your car is a Ferrari though."
     
    • Laugh Laugh x 3
  4. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    Cannot believe it took me a few seconds on that one miss-daisy. DUMB
     
  5. Camtheclown

    Camtheclown New Member

    What do you call a blondes in a freezer?

    Frosted flakes
     
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    • Groan Groan x 1
  6. miss-daisy

    miss-daisy New Member

    It works much better when you tell it in person but it is one of my favorites. ;)
    How about this one.......

    A blond walks into a big Home and Appliance store to get a T.V. for her living room. She picks out the one she likes, and takes it it the register to check out.

    Blond: "I would like to purchase this T.V.. Could I get some help out with it?"

    Clerk: "I am sorry mam, but we don't sell to dumb blonds."

    Outraged, the blond left in a huff determined to get her T.V.one way or another. So she went home and dyed her hair black and returned the next day. She went and found the T.V. she picked out the day before, and returned to the register but to a different clerk.

    Blond: "I would like to purchase this T.V.and I will need some help out with it."

    Clerk: "I am sorry mam, but we don't sell to dumb blonds."

    Furious that she still did not have her T.V. and dumbfounded as to how they guessed she was really a blond, she went home and shaved her head.This time she knew it would work! So she went back to the store, got her T.V., went through the checkout,

    Blond "I would like to buy this T.V,"

    Clerk " We don't sell to dumb blonds here. Sorry."

    Blond " Arghhh!! I have dyed my hair and even shaved my head so how you even know if I were a dumb blond or not?!!!"

    Clerk "Well mam, that T.V. you picked out is actually a microwave."
     
    • Laugh Laugh x 3
  7. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    I'm not blonde, but I didn't see that coming. :oops:




    Ohhhh, "frosted flakes"....good one 55:applause:
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  8. miss-daisy

    miss-daisy New Member

    Did you hear about the dumb blond tragedy? The blond was riding in the back of her friends truck on the way to a party when the truck took a turn too sharply and ended up in the lake. The poor thing drowned because she couldn't get the tail gait down.
     
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  9. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    Blonde: Did you hear about the "Tale Of Two Cities"?

    Red Head: No I didn't.

    Blonde: Neither did I.

    dumb is contagious.....:???:
     
  10. Cardboard

    Cardboard New Member

    Daisy do you drive to gigs yourself or is there someone 'driving miss daisy'? Sorry couldn't resist! Great jokes from all of you and I will use a lot of them. Took me a second to get the Ferrari one though. Great stuff. Thanks!
     
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  11. miss-daisy

    miss-daisy New Member

    I drive myself, or Miss Daisy would drive THEM crazy.
    Here is another of my favorite blond jokes:

    A blond walks into a salon, wearing a pair of ear-phones. She asked the hair stylist to give her a nice short bob cut.

    Stylist: " I can do that, but you will need to take off the ear-phones."

    Blond: " I have to keep them on. just work around it."

    So the stylist attempted to give her the desired hair cut, but it was not working so well.

    Stylist: " I am sorry, but I just can't do anymore until you remove the ear-phones."

    Blond: " O.K. But you will have to hurry. I can't have them off for very long."

    So she took the ear-phones off, and the stylist started cutting. After a few minutes, the stylist noticed the blonds face was very pale, and her lips were turning blue.

    "Are you alright?" But instead of answering she slumped to the floor unconsious. The stylist picked up the ear-phones curious how the lack of them would cause such a rection. As she put them to her own ears, she discovered the reason. On the ear-phone she heard a recorded voice saying over and over, "Breathe in breathe out. Breathe in breathe out."
     
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  12. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    Ferrari? Wasn't that the song Dean Martin used to sing?
     
  13. miss-daisy

    miss-daisy New Member

    Here are some short blond joke classics:

    How can you tell if a blond has been using the computer?
    There is white-out all over the screen.

    How do you confuse a blond?
    Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.

    How do you kill a blond?
    Put a sratch-and-sniff sticker in the bottom of the swimming pool.

    Why did the blond's dog have a flat face?
    He chased parked cars.
    Why did the blond have a flat face?
    She is the one who trained him.

    What do you get when a group of blonds stand shoulder to shoulder?
    A wind-tunnel.

    What do a smart blond, the tooth fairy, and Santa have in common?
    None of them exist.
     
  14. TheMissBobbie

    TheMissBobbie New Member

    A blonde and her brunette friend go to Vegas for vacation. Before they even get out of the airport the blonde stops and puts money in a coke machine and takes out the coke. She puts more change in and gets another coke. This continues until the brunette tells her to come on so they can get to the slot machines.

    The blonde replies, "hang on, can't you see i'm already winning." :pie:
     
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  15. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    Hey, was that you?
    How much did you win?
    A couple of gallon's or so?:D
     
  16. TheMissBobbie

    TheMissBobbie New Member

    shhhhhhhhhhhh you weren't supposed to tell it was me - i actually won a 24 pack for just a mere $36 -- who says you can't win in vegas - DUH!
     
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  17. Toby KID

    Toby KID New Member

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A Labrador Retriever
     
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  18. miss-daisy

    miss-daisy New Member

    A blond and a redhead fall off a cliff. Who reaches the bottom first?
    The redhead. The blond had to stop and ask for directions.
     
  19. Pookie

    Pookie Well-Known Member

    One day two blondes are walking through the woods and came across a set of tracks, and got into an argument what made the tracks. The first blonde insisted that they were bunny tracks, and the other blonde said that they were deer tracks.

    While they stood there arguing, a train came by and killed them.

    BTW, how many dumb blonde jokes are there?

    .

    .

    .

    Just three, the rest are true!!
     
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  20. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    Hi Pookie, so is yours one of the three?:)
     

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