Discussion in 'The Clown Forum' started by Shoestring, Apr 20, 2009.
If Farts weren't funny, God would've made them silent and odorless..
Barry, here are two I do when in public out of make-up first if your setting on the craper and the place is packed with people on a fri or sat night, I know my friend is in there I call his name ha Barry are you in here ? ; Yes I am : he replies then I yell out Can you wipe me Second is using liquid wash your hands and then have excess water on them, as you come out of bathroom pick the new guy in you group go to shake his hands and say I had a bit of an accident in bathroom and missed and the water is turned off as I lift hands away and dry off on his shirt sleeve, and watch the reaction in face on that, its well worth it ….
I am not trying to start a debate with you but I will challenge your references you used. There are times in the bible where the writer is speaking literally and other times figuratively. Many times in the Old testament "bowels" is to be taken figuratively and not literally. Often "bowels" is used to expressed emotions or how one feels in their heart. A good example is Jeremiah 4:19. If you will notice "bowels" used twice there, it is followed by how he feels in his "heart." Usually bowels in mentioned in the KJV but if you look at the NIV, the word "bowels" is usually replaced with something else.
Maybe if there were more fart jokes in the bible it would be an easier read.
Maybe there are Stuart and we've missed them. Darrel has pointed out the text varies from version if only I could read the original Hebrew version i'm sure we could find some more from before the censors got to it.
I was baptized into the Church of England at St. Andrews in Starbeck. The King James Version 1611 Bible, is the translation they attempted to indoctrinate me with. It was the version used to smack my knuckles at school with and the one I was coerced by the British Army under the threat of punishing duties, to pray on. It is also the one that demands my torture and execution, for my rejection of it.
That said, I am very friendly with today’s vicar at St. Andrews Church. He visits me from time to time and I do things for him. We always stop for a chat and he knows exactly where I stand on these matters. I regularly talk to him in a very irreverent manner with regards to his God and beliefs. He laughs a lot in my company and wishes I would come and entertain his church. Last week before I felt ready to make that post, I talked to him about Gods farts and I asked him what he thought of it. He did not really give me an answer, he was rolling around laughing with tears in his eyes, wagging his finger but still begging me to visit. I asked him specifically about differing versions because I am aware of different translations. His church still uses the King James Version and he told me that was still the best.
So I don’t know what to say Darrel if you are using some trendy modern language version that can get down with the youth on the streets, that’s fine. Similarly if there are versions that soften the blood curdling violence and spare you blushes and make the words seem more palatable, coolio oolio. But the King James Version is the one I know and the one that has caused the most upset in my life. Bowels are mentioned many times in this version and as far as I can tell mean exactly what we think of when we talk of bowels. When I have looked at other versions, I have often thought, no that’s not what it is supposed to say, that’s a cop out, just to make it sound nicer.
Without getting too deep into the theology of it all, if you want to believe God does not fart, fine, conversation over. But I seem to remember something about him making us in his own image. So the with that logic in mind, why wouldn't he fart? Even if it didn't clearly state in the Bible that he does fart, why would you just assume he wouldn't?
But all this is nonsense Darrel because I was not writing about Gods farts because I am a theologian, I am writing about them because I am a clown. My first thought was not what version or translation am I studying? My first thought was what do they smell like? What does he eat up there? If he can make his farts sound like harps, can he also make the smell like what ever he wants? Then I get to thinking, (because I am a clown), if his farts sound like harps, what music does he play? Is he into Gospel or Jazz, what does he think to Lady Gaga? He has a company of musical angels fluttering around his throne called Seraphims, that continuously sing his praises. Isaiah 6:1-7. Do they accompany him when he farts with their tambourines, mandolins and trumpets?
To me this is funny. This is what clowns do. I watched this thread and noticed it had recieved well over 150 views since I wrote about Gods farts, not one of you bothered to speculate what they might smell like! As clowns, how could you all just pass over that opportunity?
Does the Father say to the Son, "Did YOU do that?"
Then, does the Son reply to the Father, "No I thought it was YOU!"?
Then do they both blame it on the Spirit? (Who is, in the Bible, referred to as revealing in a rush of wind.)
(Considering that a dove is really little more than a glorified pigeon, I've also wondered about the comic sense which God had in using that sort of representation, considering what dirty birds they are.)
Actually, the Bible brings out a lot of other bodily innards and functions, as the ancients thought of emotions as related to all of these things. So, you can find matters which refer to the kidneys, the bile of our pancreas, stomachs, and bladders, for instance. These don't always necessarily refer back to the "heart." I don't, then, have any problem or feel any sense of icky-ness just because the metaphor is to God cleansing his bowels and feeling relief. I only wonder whether he used Alka-Seltzer.
If it feels good...do it!
Then laugh out loud from your belly!! because that's what life is about!!
I realize now it was a waste of my time to comment on this thread. I do enjoy bathroom humor and use it often with my 2 girls who enjoy it as well (my wife hates it, lol). I try to not get annoyed when someone makes what I consider offensive comments about what I believe as a Christian but there isn't anything I can do about it. I don't come on here preaching at people and telling them they are "doomed" but it seems I am expected to be tolerant of those who make jokes about God, Jesus, and/or the Bible.
Probably best I just keep to what I said several months ago when I said I was only planning to contribute where I could help or be helped in regard to clowning.
OK lets skip the theology and stick to hard verifiable facts. I have been researching Gods farts for a month now and came across something highly disturbing, while doing so. Thinking about God’s farts sounding like a harp of Moab, got me to wondering what a Moab was. I googled it and found it has three meanings.
a) A mountainous strip of land in Jordon on the eastern shores of the Dead Sea and home of the ancient people called the Moabites.
b) A town and rocky, inhospitable, piece of desert in Utah.
c) An acronym for the largest bomb in the American non-nuclear arsenal. It stands for Massive Ordinance Air Blast!
Now don’t you think that if God could and did fart, it would result in a massive air blast? Your previous President, George W. Bush, Pentagon officials and US military commanders were all very knowledgeable about that verse in the Bible and chose Moab for the name for that bomb, very specifically, deliberately and with a large chunk of sacrilegious humour. You do the research and see for yourself, if you don’t believe me. These bombs were designed as anti personnel weapons, to be used in Iraq.
Your government has a bomb that is named after a God fart and is designed to blow away Muslims.
There are a couple scriptural issues but I digress.
While Paul may not have meant that farting was good it is certainly part of the human condition. And being that our risen Lord and Savior was once Human God has most likely farted. Does God toot on his throne in glory? Well we may not know that until we are promoted to glory.
For a while i was working on making Arab food. My Hummus was not so good and that was the best of what I could make. During that period my American raised bowels revolted on me in a most odoriferous way. Frankly the only smell I could compare it to would be Elephant Farts. They were clearly not as powerful but they did have that sort of smell to them. So for Christ in his mortal form i will go with Elephant Farts for the smell.
As for the Almighty sitting on his thrown. I would like to think that he has at least two angels that emit a febreeze like substance that covers his awesome and mighty toots. Those angels of course have been created without the ability to smell anything or they would die. There is a thought among many Christians that if we directly heard the voice of God we would die. I think this must also be true of the other end. So I will go with Silent but violent.
Barry this may not be taught in any Seminary, still, it is a subject that needs to talked about.
I believe that they were actually devised for use in Afghanistan, but the point is still made.
Brilliant work, Daft! I am, however, disappointed that even you insist on assigning corporeal form to a spiritual concept. But as with any other viewpoint that differs from my own, I'll not try to dissuade you from it, or think less or more of you.
Bravo! Keep up the good cheer! Good chuckle, that.
Actually the term MOAB is an acronym created by the United States Army. Any connection to a Biblical Place is coincidental. It describes the function of the bomb.
Massive Ordnance Air Blast bomb (MOAB) (colloquially known as the Mother of All Bombs).
And as for assigning a corporeal form to a spiritual being that is exactly what Jesus was. So God did fart. Or Jesus was really really uncomfortable for much of his life.
For goodness sakes Zeeppo, your an American, you people thrive on conspiracies! Well far be it for me to ridicule anyone’s beliefs. That’s not my style at all.
It was probably a typo, instead of “Moab”, it should have read “Jerusalem”. Besides nobody ever takes notice of The King James Version of 1611 Bible any longer, certainly not the military. Not when there are all them trendy new translations with modern words. Yes that's right. It is just a completely remarkable coincidence. If Zeeppo believes it, that’s good enough for me. I shall say no more on the matter. My lips are sealed. That’s it, I am done now. It's not that remarkable anyway, coincidences happen all the time. You wont hear another peep out of me. I have no suspicions at all. I knew there would be a simple explanation. Fancy anyone making a connection between that Massive Ordinance Air Burst and Moab in the bible. No way that could ever happen, not on your nelly. I cant believe anyone would ever fall for that one pah! idiots. I am saying no more on the matter. Nothing. Nout. Zip. I am gone now. Bye everybody.
It was not a personal attack Barry. The military is just pretty open about why they name things. Frankly your basic premise that God has farted is probably true
WHAT??? GOD Farted???? Well I'm Truly Offended!!!!
Er Uh.....did it smell like strawberries? ....mmmmmmm I love strawberries......
I've got the perfect clown name for the bathroom humar clown.....Fartzo.
that smells funny
I ain't surprised that only on the clown forum you would find a theological debate over wheather or not God farted.
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