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bar jokes

Discussion in 'Political Jokes' started by Gladman, Jan 15, 2012.

  1. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    Y'all are just jealous cause the voices only talk to me.
     
  2. dont get the bar jokes. They need splanin
     
  3. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    I was hop'n someone would read that and "splain" it to me. Here's one I think I understand.

    An adjective walks in to a piano bar, sits down and orders a beer. Pretty soon the piano players monkey jumps up on the bar and urinates in the adjectives beer. The adjective yells to the piano player, "Hey!, do you know your monkey just peed in my beer?"
    The piano player says "No, but if you hum a few bars I might remember it."
     
    • Groan Groan x 1
  4. tim

    tim Have red nose, will travel

    You need to drink more.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
    • Laugh Laugh x 1
  5. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    You may not always be as wise as an owl, but you are always a hoot.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  6. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member


    Tim is a hoot and look "WHO's" talken.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  7. tim

    tim Have red nose, will travel

    The Nanny!
     

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  8. tim

    tim Have red nose, will travel

    Someone recently told me I was a "stitch." I replied that I certainly had a few loose threads.
     
    • Laugh Laugh x 2
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  9. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    No fowl like an old fowl.
     
    • Laugh Laugh x 2
  10. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    I am having a ball, I think it might be a fowl ball, but a ball is a ball. Catch?
     
  11. tim

    tim Have red nose, will travel

    Are you on it?
     
  12. LuvLee

    LuvLee Well-Known Member

    I gots me eye on it too!
     
  13. A man walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The bartender asks "Can I help you?" To which the frog replied "Yes, can you help me get this ugly growth off my derriere?"
     
  14. Gladman

    Gladman Well-Known Member

    An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.

    There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie. His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!"
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2012
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  15. Sorry, but I am a suicide counselor who works with people who are contemplating suicide as well as families of persons who have completed suicide. That includes attending the funerals. Suicide is not a laughing matter.
     
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  16. I agree with Mork, suicide is never the answer. Unless the question is 'What did Kurt Cobain commit?' One man's theology is another man's belly laugh, Mork. While I would obviously agree suicide is a tragedy, it is also an aspect of human life. I am always going to resist anyone here, who thinks they can dictate or impose limits, where comedy and humour can be found. If the realization of that has you contemplating suicide yourself, just remember your supposed to be a clown and someone has to read your note. So keep it light and try to wrap it up with a joke or funny story.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2012
    • Thanks Thanks x 3
  17. Gladman

    Gladman Well-Known Member

    I'm a registered nurse in ICU (dialysis) and sadly have to deal with suicide and death on a fairly regular basis. It can be a very depressing gig, and it's certainly not for everybody. I couldn't function without humor. It can be used very effectually not only in the healing process, but it also in the teamwork of everyone involved. The post can easily be removed if it offends. That certainly was not my purpose.:cool::pie:
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 4
  18. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    Speaking for myself. the very thought of suicide is breath-taking.
     
  19. tim

    tim Have red nose, will travel

    Suicide isn't funny. Stupidity is!

    The use of irony is an oft employed comic device. So is schadenfreude.......especially if it is just on stage or in story.

    The jerk gets his "just desserts" and accidently saves the poor sap's life. The world and its usual expectations are turned upside down. We recognize the incongruity and guffaw.

    Laughter at the frailty and mistakes of life often unites.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2012
    • Thanks Thanks x 5
  20. Grandpa Weatherbie

    Grandpa Weatherbie Well-Known Member

    After a night on the town in Paris my wife and I returned to our Hotel and got on the elevator to go to our room and read the following sign.

    "Please leave your values at the hotel desk."
     

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